Secret AOL Knowledge Revealed

There is a lot of secret knowledge in AOL. Certain knowledge tapes are to be seen only in groups, under supervision. People are asked not to talk about the processes on the courses to people who haven’t done the courses. And the teachers, of course, are given Supreme Secret Knowledge, first on TTC and later on Teacher’s Refresher Courses, directly from the guru’s mouth.

Why is this knowledge kept secret? Why, to protect us, of course. This Secret Knowledge is so powerful, it can do serious damage to you if you are not Ready To Receive It. Let me give you a few examples, directly from the guru’s mouth. But be careful, this is Powerful Stuff: If your system is not strong enough, it may damage you. You may want to skip reading it. No? Well, you can’t say I didn’t warn you. OK, here goes…

Skizophrenics have become so because in a past life they either commited suicide or tormented animals.

To guarantee a safe journey, let your first step be with your left foot and whisper “Jai Guru Dev”. (or was it right foot? That explains why I missed the bus, the other day!) If a room has Bad Energy, traverse the room in the counter-clockwise direction, sit facing south, stomp your left foot three times. And oh yeah, whisper Jai Guru Dev.

New York has a Guardian Angel who drops by Ravi’s 5-star hotel, whenever he is in town.

From Bharat Bai, who is called Swami something-or-other today, we learned that there is a cave under Sumeru in the Bangalore Ashram containing several centuries-old sadhus in deep meditation. Please Do Not Disturb! He also told an equally fascinating story of how Ravi talks to extra-terrestrials who visit the Ashram. Unfortunately the aliens are invisible to everyone else than Ravi Ravi. How inconvenient.

The Three Wise Men visiting baby Jesus were originally from Bad Antogast. No shit, they are! As far as I remember they are alive and well, sitting in deep meditation in a cave in The Black Forest. Again, please do not disturb.

I can’t say for sure that I remember these examples 100% correctly. No matter. It demonstrates how absurd this so-called Secret Knowledge is. Back then, my intellect was struggling to make sense of all this. I wanted so much to believe, to be a Good Devotee to my Guru. When Ravi started seeing angels all over the place, in photographs of satsangs, I felt the same embarrasment with him as children do with their parents when they realize for the first time that they are just people, with flaws, shortcomings and imperfections. How can dustmotes on the lens of a digital camera become angels, to an adult, seemingly intelligent man? Does that mean that you actually summon hordes of angels, if you throw dust in the air in a dark room, and take a photo with the flash on? Do angels live off dust?

Today, of course, the explanation is painfully obvious. Lack of intelligence, in a man desperate to demonstrate to the world that he is an Instigator of Miracles.

So maybe all this Secret Knowledge isn’t secret to protect us from harm, but rather to make us feel privileged for the small morsels we receive, and guilty because we are so obviously Unclean and Unworthy to receive more. In other ways, the secrecy is a way to control us? No, that is just too paranoid. Knowledge has to be Hard to Obtain, in order to be appreciated, right? So we don’t take it for granted, yes? That must be it…. And of course that explains the exorbitant prices, also!

What is your favorite Secret AOL Knowledge? Post a comment, this will be fun to read!