More Ex-Teachers Reply to Ann
it has been 5 months now since I left the aol org. after 10 years with 5 years of teaching. I remember the good and joyful times in Bad Antogast, where we had easily access to SSR, who was a humble, playful man in those days. I was proud of being ‘a chosen one’, and a proud mother of 4 who have all done aol courses incl. my husband. Yeah, still happily married, despite many challenges over the years. I managed to sway through all the years mainly because of my sensible up-bringing, although I had so many questions and I have seen so much mess.
After our emigration 7 years ago I was more dependent on the Indian Ashram, where I did my follow-ups, TRM’s etc. Here my eyes were opened up in the most shocking way. I met there sr. teachers, who I knew from Europe totally dried out, without any penny, living from their suit-cases for months. There was no time or money to give them a health check-up or any financial support. I met some brilliant students (friends of my daughter) who gave up everything to be more in the presence of SSR. One of my own daughters was almost entangled in the claws of Rishiji, by making her the most fantasy promises. She nearly gave up her study for becoming a teacher.
I left the Ashram last year october and knew that I would never, ever come back there again. Not because of the cobra’s, not because of the dozens barking dogs during the night, not because of the cold shower every day and not because of the extreme high course fees. But just and only because of the NON-belongingness in the whole AOL org. I have never seen so much competition, so much ‘what’s in it for me’ behavior.
I cannot stop reading your blog-site, which gives me support in my decision. I feel very much for the people I know, who are still in ‘prison’ and do not dare to step out. It needs courage, but I don’t regret it, not even one day. In our country 7 teachers left the aol in one week. YippieYeah.
This latest string of letters has finally made me see that I can no longer hang onto anything about AOL. Ann’s letter and all the replies have really tugged at my heartstrings and have been the final straw for me. I was one one of the 7 teachers Christine writes of and although I knew it was right for me to leave I still wanted SSRS to be what I wanted him to be. Leaving was quite a process, taking down photos and putting them back up. Telling all those who were on the AOL email list, telling my family and my friends.
I have followed these sites on a daily basis and felt saddened at all I read, SSRS was not who or what I wanted him to be. I recently read the Guru Papers and there found more truth, it was reading that book that finally made me break down completely, my heart broke as I tried to say the word betrayal when explaining the book to my husband, I was finally able to shed the tears I had stored for so long and so really start my healing.
These latest letters have left no room for doubt – I imagined all the things that could be done with AOL, and although when I did my TTC I was aware that things were not right I still enjoyed sharing the knowledge with those who were on my courses. The money issues never seemed right, the fact that teachers were expected to supplement course costs and none of the money went to any local projects. I was never prepared to pay out of our hard earned income when I knew that the organisation was rich.
Having said all of that I still appreciate ride it gave me and the experiences I had and so I am grateful for the journey and I am grateful that I could see the right time to leave. Thank you to all of you who have created and contributed to the blog sites – they really are a place of healing.