-By European Ex
Third day in a row that I am reading and reading and reading your blog, and at the same time questioning myself where was I all this time since you have started writing it! Nevertheless, it’s never too late for finding out the truth.
I was also an AOL teacher, finished my TTC 2 during Silver Jubilee. I am not a part of AOL for 2 years now.
I really did not know all the stuff that you are saying and my leaving AOL has nothing to do with that, I will say that my leaving was natural with no big disappointments. I came to the point that I felt that I am stuck in a place, without feeling of my spiritual growth.
Off course it was not easy at the beginning, ’cause of that guilt that I had..thinking maybe I am not grateful enough and that my “Guru” will never do this to me. Luckily, the guilt was not soooo big, so I continue my life outside the AOL.
Being European I always, in a nice way, envied people who are from India, because in India it is so normal to have a “Guru”. I really wanted to have my own as well. The teacher who will help me and show me the greater Truth and truth about Life itself.
At the time I joined the AOL (just one year before my TTC 1- they really got me fast 😉 ) I really felt that I have found the place under sun. Somehow this place turned into a cloudy place, with same courses, same speeches, same jokes and no real experience what we were saying (course points) during courses.
From where I am standing now my conclusion is that all the course points just make me go from one concept to another, and at the same time making me more weak and more separate from other people who surrounded me. Not even: fake it, fake it until you make it! worked. Hahahahhaha… what a joke!
Reading this blog it is not easy, because it is not easy to confess to (first) myself that I have “wasted” years of my life for someone who is not the one he pretends to be…and also to confess this to others. Although, I posted your link to our teacher group (I still receive their e-mails). I mean why the hell not?! It’s their decision what they will do with that.
It is not so strange or maybe it’s better to say that we should not be so surprised when we came to the conclusion that “our Guru” is not as good as we thought he was. Suppose that he is a “Guru” or enlightened teacher.. but what we forgot is that all of them are coming from the Fifth level, not from the Seventh one, where is our Creator.
Recently I came to a conclusion (like Klim did (if I remembered name right), when he got out of his depression) that no Guru or Teacher will teach me the essence of life, and that all my answers are within me.
I have finished one technique which is helping me to create my life the way I want to have. There is no teacher, just me and Creator. The more over, I don’t need to wait one hundred years or don’t know how many lives to “breathe through the problem”.. but it works instantly. I can say only the sky is limit what we are capable to do and capable to manifest in our life.
You are so nice people with sincere wish to grow spiritually and I don’t have any doubts that you will not succeed more further than you are at this moment. Thank you for your courage and willingness to share all this with us. I apologise concerning my English, I’m not English native.