Living in Denial in the Comfort of the Cult
by VSS
I’m not a part of AOL nor ever was. But I can tell you that it’s FRIGHTENING to see the effect it has had on my former significant other. I have written about him earlier on this blog. Recently, I had a few conversations with him. It was EXTREMELY DISTURBING to find that not only has he NOT BECOME a stronger and more compassionate human being after joining AOL, he has become far more weak-willed and closed than he was. He was extremely depressed when he joined AOL. He didn’t have a job and he had lost all hope. Someone he considers a close friend encouraged him to join AOL, promising him happiness and a new life. I was pained by my break-up but I thought that if there was anything good about AOL, it would definitely help him, and he would emerge a more empowered individual.
I tried my best not to look back for a few months. I tried my best not to wonder about anything. I disconnected from him and thought that he would learn his own lessons and that AOL would not harm him. When I spoke to him recently, I got the shock of my life. Fortunately, I am emotionally disconnected now, so I was able to recover. He was saying exactly the same things that he said earlier. He was behaving in exactly the same way. He was sounding as depressed. The only difference was that he was insisting he was happy. Then came the more alarming shocker. He said that everyone in AOL was happy because they had no pain. I asked how that was possible as life is about happiness and pain. He said it was possible because SSRS said that one had to kill one’s mind every moment and live life as if one is born again every moment.
I wondered aloud if that was a tiring process. I wondered if it was even possible to forget everything. He said it’s easy. He said if you can’t forget things actually, then you pretend to forget till the time you can actually forget. I thought maybe he was right. I thought maybe it was me who couldn’t accomplish such a simple thing. Just then, he started talking about the past. He began to blame everyone he always blamed. He began to speak in anguish like he always did. He began to pronounce judgments as usual. After he finished, I naturally asked him why he hadn’t forgotten the past and killed his mind. He said he had. I asked why he was speaking about it. He said he wasn’t.
I could hardly believe it. Then he said I was talking about the past and he was listening. This startled the hell out of me. I thought I was talking to someone who isn’t sane. I tried to take the conversation in another direction. I asked him about what else SSRS said about killing one’s mind. He told me about a site called happified.org and a new year message posted on it. I read the message. Still, I couldn’t get over the fact that he said things and denied saying them a minute later. I knew that I hadn’t imagined all that he said about things in the past.
I asked him what the best part about being in AOL was. He said it was KNOWING WHAT TO SAY ABOUT EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. He said THAT MADE LIFE EASIER. He said that he was happier because HE KNEW WHAT TO SAY TO HIS FAMILY, TO HIS FRIENDS, AND TO HIS RELATIVES. I asked him what it was that he said. He said he TOLD EVERYONE THAT HE WAS HAPPY BECAUSE EVERYONE IN AOL IS HAPPY ALL THE TIME and now NO ONE ASKED HIM ANY QUESTIONS ANY MORE. I was stunned for a bit and then I asked if that meant he had successfully silenced everyone. He laughed and said yes. My jaw dropped. I tried to smile and then, within a couple of minutes, I left.
On my way home, I kept wondering why it was that I didn’t run to a world from where I could silence everyone who ever cared about me just because they asked me uncomfortable questions about my being in pain ? After all, I was often in a lot of pain and unable to cope with it. I often spoke about my past in anguish and I often blamed something or someone. I realized that it was because I could tolerate the concern of those who expressed concern, even if they expressed it in a way that I did not like. So, I continued to live in the real world, with my pain, with my family and with my friends. My former significant other, on the other hand, quite obviously stays in a CULT which successfully INSULATES him from the real world. If IGNORANCE IS BLISS, then i suppose cults are great. If not, then isn’t THE REAL WORLD BETTER ? …
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Beyond The Art of Living 
It’s called delusion. It’s part of being human. Thing is, you need to wake up at some point either by choice or when life hits you hard on the face with reality.
@ SK Sharma
Thank you so much for reading and leaving an insightful comment on this post.
– VSS
this one is so funny!
okie no i dodnt believe this at all i follow teachings of many saints and spiritual masters and i know many deep followers of aol ut i havent come across anyone like this .. most of the ppl i know are well balanced i have een thru some horrible experiences iin my life and meditation helped me get stronger and so did the kriya.. maybe ur friend doesnt know what to accept and what not to..
I guess he may have mean’t something else .. also SSRS never spoke against pain … but actually said that pain is an integral part of love. AoL might have greedy elements but its not the way your ‘former significant other’ has painted it .. from his words I feel he is still in deep pain but does not want to admit it to you .. I guess he feels that you are not able to understand him..
There is some communication gap here .. I am sure he still loves you and is also messed up and in pain but is undergoing some inner conflicts but wants to appear strong in front of you because he does not want AoL to look bad .. best strategy to help him out will be not to directly attack AoL in front of him, don’t attack AoL at all .. make him feel that you are on his side and want the best for him .. and isn’t that true .. .. maybe you can go out with him to other places .. not everything in aol is bad for him.. both of you need to adjust your viewpoints .. he is not ready to see beyond AoL and you are not ready to see inside of AoL .. he feels life begins and ends with AoL (inside he is afraid to face the real world) .. you feel that AoL means the end of life . .. ( you are afraid of AoL ) .. both of you need to drop the fear .. and face both AoL and the real world .. on the face ..
@ OA
Thank you for reading and commenting. The relationship is over since quite some time now. I don’t think there will be any more meetings any time soon. It is not that I am “afraid” of AoL. I simply cannot comprehend the need to live in fear of what people who care about us might say if they see us in pain. I don’t mind how they say it either. I think they are very precious. I don’t wish to be disconnected from my family and my friends. It seems to me that in AoL, people say things in a way that people inside AoL can take it. This makes people inside AoL feel protected and safe.
However, this also makes people fear the real world even more. Cults like AoL grow because they provide people with an alternative world — an unreal world inside the real world where they are spoken to in a way that they can tolerate as long as they somehow contribute to the growth of the cult. It doesn’t matter if followers get disconnected from their families and friends. Followers start living in seclusion. Families and friends don’t know what to do to get through to them. In this situation, lying can’t help. The fact of the matter is that if AoL was indeed about “the art of living”, then there would be no need to disconnect from one’s family or friends. In fact, all relationships would improve.
What AoL seems to be doing is trapping several people who are struggling for one reason or another, telling them that they are understood, alienating them from their families and friends, and engaging them in various activities, that only serve to distract them. AoL is not really solving problems. If it was, then it would have a different reputation. This blog would probably not exist.
AoL has been in existence for more than 30 years now. What has it really achieved? I think it’s just a place that people go to when they can’t accept life when it’s not going too well. Yes, there are those who are seeking spiritual growth and enlightenment who also land up in AoL. I have read about them in this blog. But, I don’t think that’s true of most people who join AoL. Most who join are simply running away and looking for a place to hide. The best I can do for them is to hope that they become brave enough to live in the real world again.
– VSS
Precisely … I can vouch for all that you have said above with my own experience. What I meant was AoL as a cult has negative aspects which can mess up many aspects of a person’s life (i.e. family, career, etc) but the reason its a craze with some people is that there are some positive parts to it. Its good to know how to move on in life and I pray that your friend learns to face the real world soon.
AOL is looking for emotionaly week ppl to get thier job done, i was so, after a while realised that i lost my faith and confidence, now recovering from that, looks like all that was more Guru and organization orineted activity. A culy who want to rule the Humanity, another language of Political power seekers!
It is sad that this kind of misusal of faith,t his will distruct ones basic personality and confidence, the most voilant action carried out in thease century this should be punished stirctly.
“Spritual terrarism” of this century!
@ SP
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your experience. I did notice the destruction of “basic personality” and “confidence”. It is indeed a “misuse of faith”. Yet, it’s very encouraging to see that you are recovering and I wish no one ever succeeds in trapping you in this sort of “spiritual terrorism” again. All of us are “emotional weak” at some point in time in our lives, and it is precisely then that we get exploited. I agree with you about the need for “strict punishment” too. Thanks again.
– VSS
What is happening to your friend is the same thing happening to all the people who are “close” or very involved in AOL. All of the senior teachers I knew in AOL were miserable. To the public they said “I am happy. AOL makes everyone happy. Guruji makes us all so happy…” And behind the scenes, they would grouse and complain endlessly about their ruined lives, that they couldn’t leave, had no other ‘job’, even about having lesser clothing sometimes. Simple disatisfaction with their lives. That is not the face teachers are supposed to show to the world. They are supposed to “fake it till you make it” as we were told, and keep smiling until you supposedly feel happy. That’s it. Actually, the basic course contains some good spiritual points, I believe. Most people miss them, and don’t follow any of them but just parrot the phrases to seem knowledgable. Lost people generally get the most involved to the center of the organization and stay even though they don’t find peace, because they have little or nothing else in their lives, even if that ‘nothing’ is just inside, and they have a rich life that they, for some reason, is not satisfying to them. Most join AOL, in my experience, out of low self-esteem, self doubt, loneliness in their family relationships. A very few that I knew actually joined because they wanted some true spiritual knowledge. The rest just wanted to feel good all the time, and would do anything to get the “hit” of energy that can be experienced near Guruji. The real seekers end up leaving AOL because the fact comes to light that “Guruji” can’t really do anything to help them and that they are being sucked down into the mess of the organization, and not realizing any Truth. The basic course gives the instruction, and you either follow some of the good points or not. Your friend is clinging to “Big Daddy Guruji” and all the others who are hooked on the ‘high’, and then leave feeling the crash. No different from a drug. Guruji has many siddhis. But they won’t make anyone enlightened, a fact that anyone who has known anyone around him can attest to. The ashram and the organization are just more of the world. The ashram is basically a mental hospital with lots of patients. Those who are seeking the truth, see this, and go away. Those who need to live there, continue on there. That’s all. I don’t know that it is bad or good. It’s how it is. Personally, I’m thankful that I left sooner than later, unlike many others who post here who clearly gave up their entire youth to this business! Everything serves a purpose of some kind. This particular ashram may not help people to achieve any deep Truth, but some offerings are there, and maybe people get started there, and if they are truly looking for answers, they leave. Others, who are too crazy or messed up to work, don’t re-enter the world, and take the other types of dress, and teach or whatever. Some stay on the peripherary and like the bhajans, which can be very enjoyable, if you like that sort of thing. The only sad thing is to know that some people indeed lose their productive years in a waste of time. But in the big scheme of things —- is there any real waste of time? I’m not sure. I don’t believe that Guruji means to be cruel or horrible or greedy. People are just the way their vasanas make them. He can’t help how he is. That’s how I see it. My co-workers, who some of whom have been there and done that, don’t see it that way, and are still angry that they were involved even for a very short time and gave even a little money to the group. Your friend will learn some lesson or another, who knows what.
When Sri Sri said you should live and die every moment, he was talking about the present moment – live in the present moment. Live every moment like it’s the first moment – be free from the past, don’t worry about the future – be here now – LIVE LIFE NOW.
Sri Sri didn’t use the word “kill”. Some people are taking this knowledge too literally and as stand alone. You need to step back and see what is the meaning from a spiritual point of view, from the point of view of empowering the self.
Happiness comes from within – no one can snap their fingers in your face and say “ok! You’re happy now”. The AOL course provides tools, such as breathing techniques, yoga and meditation, to help an individual to live life. These practices help to reduce stress, by creating an awareness of our emotions and how these emotions affect our bodies, our minds, our lives. We spend our lives accumulating not just pains and stresses but also developing tendencies of the mind, both negative and positive. Include yoga and meditation into your everyday routine – see the positive difference that a healthy mind and body makes in your life. That’s what the art of living is about.
@ Anonymous [February 21, 2012 5:16 am]
Thank you for reading this post and commenting.
Any statement and any comment by anyone can be interpreted in any way. The real test of anything that is said or recommended is the effect it has on the person who it is said to.
What I evidenced was someone who heard what was said, is probably meditating etc. too in the ashram, but is as BITTER, as DISTURBED, as DEPRESSED, as DESPERATE, as JUDGMENTAL, as UNHAPPY, as AGITATED, and as ANGRY as he always was (if not more).
The most shocking bit was the complete absence of COMPASSION for other human beings. I had hoped that at least some compassion would be effected by AoL.
In fact, to be very honest, you sound somewhat AGITATED too.
None of what goes on in the ashram has had any positive effect on this individual. The only change is that after saying all that he says, he adds a thing or two that he’s heard in the ashram. He has become far more closed and far more weak-willed than he was earlier. He sounds far more disconnected from reality and far more deluded.
He is also far more miserable than he was. His deterioration after living in the ashram for more than a year is substantial. I think the tools provided don’t work AUTOMATICALLY. If they did, then I’d have seen an absence of negativity. Instead, I evidenced it in abundance. It was horrifying. I was hoping that there’d have been some benefit but all I heard were some new words after the old really bitter and judgmental ones were repeated.
If you live in the ashram, perhaps you could look into this. I would truly appreciate it if some benefit could be facilitated. I would welcome any positive difference.
Thanks again.
– VSS
@ Anonymous [February 21, 2012 5:16 am]
P.S. He did use the word “kill”. Here’s the link :
http://www.happified.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=154:sri-sri-speak-1&catid=25:happified&Itemid=37
@ Anonymous [February 20, 2012 1:29 pm]
I cannot begin to express my gratitude for the insights that you’ve sent my way. I am able to see AoL far more clearly now. It’s even more frightening than I thought it was. Indeed, it’s painful to seek employment and those who can’t deal with the struggle involved in finding a real job and then holding on to it, probably love AoL because it gives them a place to live, something to do, and friends who share the same perspective.
Most people cannot tolerate disagreement. Most people can’t even tolerate education because education makes life tough. There are times when I want to run away from the real world too. But my education prevents me. It tells me that wanting to run away from the real world is natural when one is struggling to make both ends meet. Yet, it’s not something that I must surrender to for the rest of my life. I am not pain-averse, and I’m certainly not pain-averse to the extent that I would silence my family and friends.
Every human being is looking for happiness, love, comfort, solace, reassurance, stability, and encouragement. If one doesn’t find all of these easily, and resigns to such an extent that one starts living in a cult with others who are similarly resigned, then it is like giving up on life. Living in a cult is like living in seclusion after committing a sort of mental suicide. Continuing to live in a cult is like accepting that mental suicide as some sort of a final verdict on oneself.
Tragically, this verdict is based on uncharitable experiences, at work or with family members and friends. Hence, people who live in AoL seem to be solving this problem by surrounding themselves with people who have had similar uncharitable experiences and respond similarly to them. Is that really a solution? Is giving up on life every day a solution? The more I read about AoL, the more it seems like the “art of dying” because it’s definitely not the art of making life better.
As for “wasting time”, it’s alright if one wastes time if one is not connected to anyone else. If one is, then those who are connected to us, suffer along with us. If they love us and care about us, they do so willingly and ask for nothing in return. They simply wait for better days for us. But, is it really fair on our part to inflict that on them? Is is okay to think only about oneself and not one’s family and friends? Is that what enlightenment is? I don’t think so.
I think that love, compassion, peace, and all else that is good for humanity begins at home. I think that if AoL was truly about creating a stress-free society, then it would begin with empowering individuals to reduce stress at home. It should teach us how to accept our roots. It should teach us how to help our roots accept us. It’s only when the foundation is strong, that we can grow and evolve into the best that we can be.
If the foundation is weak, then we may run to one or the other location, we may go to one or the other cult, but it won’t work.
We think that our time is our time and has nothing to do with anyone else’s time. I think that’s the point where we begin to err. We forget those who care about us. We forget to acknowledge their existence, their love, and their concern. I had a strong urge to join AoL, to somehow salvage my relationship, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t demolish the faith of those people who cared for me, that too for one person who cared for no one. It took me a long time to disconnect from the cold and calculating “love” that AoL propounds, but I succeeded. At first, I was quite astonished. I didn’t think that an average human being like me could succeed against the might of Aol. I didn’t think that “Guruji” with his many “siddhis” could fail.
My relationship meant everything to me. It was the only dream of mine that had truly come true. It was my only tryst with bliss. It was my most precious gift from the universe. For the first time in my life, I was happy. I had always asked the universe to reveal my soul mate to me. I was ecstatic to find my answer in someone I respected, loved, cherished, and celebrated.
If AoL could kill that, and it did, then Aol does not stand for anything beautiful. At the same time, if AoL did not succeed in killing me and my ability to think rationally, write on this blog, and interact with you, then I think its days are numbered. I don’t know how long it will take for people to wake up from their slumber and think rationally again, but I do think that it won’t take very long.
Thank you again for reading and commenting on this post. I learnt a lot from you.
– VSS
@ Moderator, please post the above message as new item or message.
To VSS,
You sound so heartbroken by losing your relationship. But please remember that time will heal you. There are literally millions of fish in the sea! You’ll find the right person. All will be well.
Why should AOL fall? In a city where so many very talented people many times have great difficulty getting employment, why wouldn’t someone like “Guruji” see this, and take advantage of all that unused talent and energy! The young are dominant in India. And AOL and it’s Guruji will use them to make the most money they can, in the name of spirituality and helping relieve stress. It seems quite evil, perhaps, but there is a silver lining in this cloud of deception created by AOL: Lots of educated in India could get trapped into drugs and pubbing. If AOL saves them from that by providing an alternative that’s fun, then it’s saving lives in a way. And eventually, most of them should probably, like some who post here, return to family and loved ones who will be waiting. Everyone will laugh “what a stupid mistake!” and all will be well. In the meantime, the ‘saved’ person will have the basic points of the basic course, which really are mostly valuable, and perhaps look into some other type of meditation for stress reduction. Bangalore is a pretty stressful place these days! So AOL, weird as it may sound, serves some purpose after all. Maybe your friend would have gone in some really terrible direction? He sounds very confused and depressed. So the mental hospital which is AOL may be a help for him, since you said he was depressed and confused before joining anyway. He’ll leave when the ‘cure’ is complete, and he sees that there is nothing so great there. And some time will have passed, and he’ll be grateful for his family and friends again, all of whom will welcome him back. Don’t wish for him to be punished by society for joining this cult. Wish him well, and walk away the best you can. You sound like a very caring person. 🙂
@ Anonymous [February 21, 2012 1:16 pm]
I appreciate your concern and sentiments. 🙂
I have disconnected emotionally but not walked away. I’ve never walked away from anyone I knew closely. I’m not looking for other fish either. It’s a decision I am proud of, and it’s a decision I stick with. Sometimes, we cherish a dream so much, that even after it ends, we respect it immensely for the rest of our lives. We can’t replace it simply because we don’t want to replace it. Even after we cease to feel emotionally attached to a dream, we value it, for how it once made us feel.
I wish him well. I wish him a speedy recovery. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. (I emailed him your comment though I’m not sure if he read it.) I wish that he wakes up from his slumber and finds his way home. I know that his parents find it painful that he lives in an ashram. So do all others who care about him. Yes, they’re all waiting. They’re all waiting for him to connect with reality again, and that hasn’t been happening for several years now. He’s in a pretty bad place. I have seen it and it’s really a very painful place for anyone to be in. I tried my best to do what I could and still try. But, there’s only so much I can do from a distance. I mainly hope for the very best for him. He’s an extremely gifted person, and I hope that his many talents eventually give him all the strength and resilience he needs.
I think that it is very generous of you to think that AoL serves some purpose. I find it really tough to believe that some types of brainwashing and addictions are better than some other kinds of brainwashing and addiction. I think anything that takes us away from those who care for us, is harmful.
That’s why AoL will “fall”. India is not a dormant country any more. Every other day, the media exposes some racket or the other, and no matter how reluctant relevant authorities are to act, they are compelled to act. Besides, AoL is deteriorating. So far, those who have left AoL are not influential enough or motivated enough to expose it in a serious way.
Perhaps they are too devoid of energy. Or, perhaps they are so relieved they got away that they don’t want to look back at those who remain trapped. They simply don’t have it in them to try and save others as soon as possible. People like me are too small to do anything except watch from a distance and hope that people trapped in AoL get out without being harmed in a major way. That’s why I respect the people behind this blog for their initiative. They are truly compassionate people. Without them, I’d have a million unanswered questions and no hope at all.
This blog has been in existence since some years now. It’s been attacked by AoL and is continuously monitored by them as well. Yet, AoL has not succeeded in silencing it. The next logical thing that can be expected now is that someone who is influential enough and motivated enough will leave AoL, and expose it in such a way that very little of it remains. It all depends on who gets provoked, and how much. It seems to me that more and more people are getting provoked every day. It’s just a matter of time before the “right” person gets so inexorably provoked that he or she changes the destiny of those trapped inside AoL. Maybe that person is someone you knew once. Who knows.
What we do know, however, is that AoL is heading towards its own destruction. The cracks are already visible. Otherwise, who would’ve thought that you and I would be discussing it like this. That rage that your co-workers feel about wasting their time and money because of their involvement with AoL is very real.
Thank you again for your concern and sentiments. 🙂
– VSS
Silly guys silly comments, please make worst or high comments with proof , you are struggling to get one silly fault for two months ……….you are ….too chicken ……to entertain us ….wake up fools …
@ Naren
https://aolfree.wordpress.com/2012/02/09/to-those-who-ask-for-proof/
“The relationship is over since quite some time now.”
Ya thats why you are writing big essays about him here and getting some counselling from these fools. Its just a source of entertainment for them, as it is for myself.
@ harshal
The relationship is indeed over since some time now. I write because I’m free to write about any subject.
@ VSS, plz dont waste your time by responding to pricks like harshal… go live your life to the fullest extent
@Harshal .. at least we realize our foolishness.. .biggest are the fools who think they are wise .. remember who said that ?
Naren and harshal’s words are typical of Art of Living clones: “nobody cares about you, only Guruji and AOL”. Wonder if that is because they realized that AOL and Guruji don’t care about them, nor anyone in the group? Probably. What a couple of voyuers you guys are. Taking your ‘entertainment’ this way. Sort of like the frustrated impotent man who can only watch porn, or somebody else do something in order to get his jollies. Too bad for you two. If this is entertainment for you, you are both really lost.
see man, we are happy guys with min 100 friends in which some of them are art of living volunteers some are not…………..our friends circles keep on increasing……..many people love to talk to us because…we are happy, responsible in what i am doing………….art of living does not create followers….it create leaders….you can verify in any aol person’s FACEBOOK……..I’M REALLY ENJOYING TO CREATE SOME BUZZ IN THIS BLOG…
Blah blah blah blah. Parrot-talk “AOL creates leaders.” I’ve heard it all, and it’s all false, sorry to say. AOL creates sheep or, if a person thinks for themselves, they leave the organization. If you were actually happy, you wouldn’t be posting on a blog that had nothing to do with you. People post here because they left Art of Living? Why do you care if you are so happy with Art of Living and Guruji? Obviously you are either 1) doubting AOL and SSRS 2) miserable and trying to make problems for people who post their feelings about experiences that happened in AOL 3)misinformed about what happiness is (not the number of ‘friends’ you have on Facebook, btw) 4)bored with your life looking for something to do because you have no job and no friends at all. I just don’t see why people want to post on a blog that is so against what they believe in? You believe in Art of Living and Guruji. Why don’t you go to satsang or visit with your great AOL friends? Or sit privately with Guruji and discuss your obvious multitude of personal problems? You post more than anyone else here, as far as I can see…..
“.I’M REALLY ENJOYING TO CREATE SOME BUZZ IN THIS BLOG”
I can’t help but wonder, why? you have some much enjoyment, peace, contentment etc. in aol, why do you even need to come here?
Maybe is the whole “cyber seva warrior” thing…
VSS s comments r hard core truth about AOL. No one has described AOL in shortest possible words as he has done in his 3-4 posts. These posts of his deserve wide circulation in the whole world to save ordinary people to resort to “escape” to AOLs clutches.
Kindly somebody post above VSS/similar postings in a more widely available manner on internet so that gen. population who do not log on to blogs also know this stuff.
@ anonymus critical [February 22, 2012 6:54 pm]
Thank you for your kind words.
– VSS
@ Hmmm… [March 1, 2012 6:58 am]
“Maybe is the whole “cyber seva warrior” thing…”
Is there really such a thing as “cyber seva” in AoL?
And, is the person who bullies non-AoL people in cyber space really referred to as a “cyber seva warrior”?
Unbelievable !!!
It is true that it’s good to lead our life by maintaining our assertiveness and following our intuition rather than diminishing our dignity and self respect by being a shadow of others. Be something on your own. I am following this and this gives me self satisfaction that i had never ever have.