Concerned Boyfriend – Please Help
By Concerned Boyfriend
Hello,
I am currently dating a really nice girl from India whom I care about rather deeply. I kept my distance of the AOL activities as they weren’t frequent and she seemed to accept that I was not interested. I did attend one AOL event and was instantly turned off by the people I met there and honestly felt that they were not my kind of people. Well, push came to shove and I was asked to look into it.
When you look for any information of substance it leads to the critiques of the AOL as opposed to the meaningless fluff of the official venues. The critical versions of the art of living seem much more true than the fluff versions and so I thank you for creating and maintaining this blog and for all of the contributors, the pro-AOL folks as well as they provide the fluff that instantly turned me from my single AOL event. Any person that will lie to themselves about being happy can and will lie to me and so I can’t trust them. True happiness is easy to see.
I would very much like to extricate her from this cult and am willing to invest the time for her and for myself but I am not sure how to do it. What are the pressure points? What is it that will create the crack of doubt in his Holiness and all that BS grace talk? I feel that the truth and sense will win with time but I realize it will take time and a critical mind on her part. How can I trigger the critical thought? What is it that helped others? I guess I am just asking for help because most of what I see is about convincing yourself whereas I want to convince somebody else. Any help would be appreciated.
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Beyond The Art of Living 
I’ve never been a part of AoL, so I really don’t know exactly what would work. Your mission is challenging and I wish you the very best.
I was in a relationship with someone who is now in AoL. I moved on soon after he moved into AoL. If I wanted to save the relationship at any cost, I would have joined AoL, and gone through the tedious task of accompanying my partner to AoL events, and then discussing them afterwards as honestly as I could. I would get into long conversations, ask a lot of questions, and carefully highlight what I saw / observed / noticed. For instance, if I went for the “Yoga Rave”, I would get into a discussion on how absurd it is to facilitate spiritual growth through nightclubs on a Friday night. Abuse takes place where boundaries are not respected. Spiritual abuse takes place when boundaries are not respected in the realm of Spiritualism. The Bhagvada Gita can simply not be taught in nightclubs. It can’t be promoted through “flash mobs” on streets either.
Your toughest challenge will probably be exposing the false sense of euphoria that is regularly generated. AoL people wear it like a mask. It’s because SSRS constantly says things like “don’t question what is happening”, “god will take care of everything”, “don’t worry”, “there is no reason to feel sad if you do what i tell you to do” etc. etc. This makes people in AoL detest any expression of pain and anguish. It’s almost as if their sense of empathy and compassion is killed. So, maybe you could have conversations about poignant subjects. Maybe you could validate sensitivity. Most people in AoL seem rather insensitive to me. Still, I’ll reiterate that I really don’t know for a fact if these suggestions would work. I read your post and thought about what I would do in your situation and came up with these suggestions.
I hope that someone who knows what works and is reading decides to share their insights with you, and helps you succeed in your mission.
Hi
I understand exactly how you feel, i’ve been in a relationship with a guy of which i loved dearly more than myself and there is no way you yourself can change them.
Although it was tough for me to do I had to break it off with him because he was very critical and criticized in a very subtle manner and he always twisted things, things that he said he would put it on me so Guruji has actually caused alot of disharmony in peoples lives with his AOL programme his idea of harmony is totally the opposite and he is not helping people to become better but actually worse then what they were.
His AOL courses I’m sure has broken alot of relationships caused trust me my ex was extremely negative as for kriya exercise that actually plays a huge part in damaging ones health.
I wish you luck in trying to get your girl friend out of that cult and i hope you can.
Hi, I went through the same situation as you and understand how much it hurts to see your loved one following a cult draining out time and money.
Following things worked for me and could work for you:
1. Follow her to the AOL events and be neutral (don’t ever indulge in criticism of SSRS, it will be a disaster and you might even risk losing her forever 😦 ). Most importantly don’t fall yourself to SSRS. It is easy to do so. This will give her trust in you and the below things will fall in place.
2. Every Indian usually has a family God and temple they go to (I am assuming she is a hindu, if not follow the practises of that particular religion). Try and learn their traditional culture and start slowly following it (i.e. visit their places, try and discuss their culture being curious). This is because most of AOL followers would have forgotten their traditional culture after a few rounds of Advance courses. So this helps to bring them back from the cult.
3. AOL follower in Level 3 (10+ courses and counting) would have stopped enjoying life like a normal human being. It works wonders if you plan a surprise party, accidentally order spicy food (or else they won’t take it), take her to a good movie of her genre and give her a glimpse of a normal life.
4. One of the things that worked wonders for me is to play the classical music from youtube etc. which she heard as a kid and which talks about Dwaitha (opposed to Advaitha which SSRS preaches). I am not preferring one over other but I would do anything to bring a person back from the cult.
5. Encourage that person to engage herself in a busy job which is rewarding. My fiance who was a AOL teacher and used to work for free, was surprised when she realised people “actually pay” for effort spent. No wonder I am enjoying the life now as she is about to exit the cult :).
6. This months’ version of Rishimukh (magazine published by AOL) was a blessing in disguise for me. On one side of the paper, they talk about deforestation in Canada and on the other side they have a huge advertisement of the Soudamini apartments (concrete 🙂 replacing the greenery) being constructed near the Ashram…I didn’t have to say anything. AOL helped me by entering into Real Estate, Pharmaceuticals and Education business. I am easily able to bring my friends out of AOL now…
7. One more powerful instrument that worked for me: When two AOLites meet, they greet each other with JGD. I used to go to the gatherings and as a reciprocation to JGD, I used to say something different like “Hail Jesus etc.” just to make them realise what the other person feels when they say JGD. Surprise: My fiance immediately realised that she was in a cult.
I hope it helps.
During my AOL days whenever some of the hardcore guys used to great me ‘Jai Gurudev’, i sometimes used to comically reply back as ‘jai kapildev’ (kapildev is a popular indian cricter). Some of the relaxed ones used to laugh at this joke. But AOL teachers and harcore fanatics used to get very angry at me.
You know, it’s great that you observe your mind. Some of the greatest art of living teachers felt the same way a long while ago and it’s ok. There will come a time when you are ready to accept and support the path of your loved one. But you walk at your own pace. For now it’s important that you don’t criticize too much for your own sake. Protect your mind from critic and remember feelings are like clouds, they will come and go and then they pass and a new one will appear. I believe you can see things from a new perspective as an experiment and be thankful that the peson you love is in a path of consciousness.
So it is funny how nobody is perfect and at the same time everyone and everything is perfect that way. The same way you expect others to understand your point of view, you shall understand theirs; this is the path to acceptance. And the secret of peace is acceptance. So don’t think about it too much, all uncomfortable feelings will pass and maybe new ones will come, maybe different ones will come, but you will be at peace. jgd
@Tania
The so called selfish girls do not consider the feelings, love and care of the beloved one, they all demand, this does not mean that if any one follow spirituality should ignore thier parther and follow Sr Sri.
For your kind information, i too have family I was well involved in AOL activities, at that time i use to think why my wife is behaving so odd, even though she is als part of tthe same move, after i realised this and moved away from the cult activities, now my wife’s response was amazing she says ” I can see you behave normal, honest and child like… and she is happy, hence realized that first to take care of myself, then my family and then comes the society.
Dear sister Tania, please note if you listen to Sri Sri, he always says if you want to get more people, first get the girls of the family and they can get the remaining people of the family, so he so cunning.
The reason is girls are mostly week in emotional balance and they get extra attention at AOL centre than in home(which is marketing technique) also in AOL you see Sri Sri give more liberty for girls to show off. Al these sums then the girls either kick the family back for those do not listen, or pull all of them in to AOL, in either case remember you are not grown to be compassionate to others.
It is not necessary to be part of AOL only to be a good individual, but for AOL it is necessary… choice is individual!
Just be a good individual, whatever path you want to follow. 🙂 greetings
AOL is an expensive game.It is BIG BROTHER.
How many times you meditate in aday. To keep up,at least THREE.
The Holy ceremonies : groups of people get reunions to watch SSRS videos…they get de personilized into the “oneness” and they agree , let if flow…commit to enlightement…let the unhappy out of your life…
Then they salute JGD jump in a car feeling superb and make all kinds of unkind acts to their pairs …I have never experienced so much EGO ,greed and Judgement .
so funny…
The art of being blinded and conducted by the smartest mind…sucking all energies that are spontaneous making you do all kinds of agreements …and starv you until you need the next course and the ultimate price >SSRS smiling w you in apicture
God gave knowledge to the most simple of persons.Organizations use the truth to build their “bussiness” .
I ve experienced annestecia .and indiference and a lack of common sense in those who are really involved. A high developement of manipulation and emotion deletions to keep your hands up and down in their healing circus.
God bless you all and save you from blindness
@Tanya really then aol believers should also respect the others feeling to when they hurt them by criticizing, and accept the next person who doesn’t believe in that garbage and when you realize how that cult messes your life up it will be too late.
“… when you are ready to accept and support the path of your loved one …”
Judgment # 1:
You are not ready to accept and support the path of your loved one. (Your loved one is not supposed to accept and support your path because it’s not defined by AoL.)
“For now it’s important that you don’t criticize too much for your own sake.”
Judgment # 2:
You criticize too much and that’s not good for you because critical thinking is good for nobody, and, you don’t even know that.
“… feelings are like clouds …”
Judgment # 3:
Since you are not in AoL, you don’t know this either. So, you have to be told. You also need to be told the importance of ignoring feelings because they change. In AoL, everything that changes is to be ignored.
” … be thankful …”
Judgment # 4:
You are not being thankful.
“So it is funny how nobody is perfect and at the same time everyone and everything is perfect that way.”
Judgment # 5:
There’s no difference between someone who is in a cult and someone who is not in cult. In fact, those who are not in a cult, are not on “the path to consciousness” because they are conscious of their feelings, they are conscious of their critical thinking skills, and, because they know how to distinguish between a cult and a religion.
“The same way you expect others to understand your point of view, you shall understand theirs; this is the path to acceptance. And the secret of peace is acceptance.”
Judgment # 6:
You don’t understand anything, not even simple things like “acceptance” and “the secret of peace”. Your entire life is a waste because you have spent it outside AoL.
“So don’t think about it too much, all uncomfortable feelings will pass and maybe new ones will come, maybe different ones will come, but you will be at peace.”
Judgment # 7:
You think too much! This is the reason why you’re not at peace. People who think too much are not at peace. So, if you stop thinking, you will find peace as defined by AoL.
Conclusion:
You are concerned because you are not conscious. You are not conscious because you think. Because you think, you are critical. Because you are critical, you cannot accept the one you love. Because you can’t accept the one you love, you are not at peace. Basically, therefore, the way to be conscious, is to be unconscious. Have no feelings, have no thoughts, accept everything, and be peaceful. There should be no difference between a piece of furniture and you, except that you should be able to say JGD the moment you spot another piece of human unconscious furniture with a plastic smile. This is how the whole world will become one family eventually. Every human being will become a piece of furniture — controlled by the one and only SSRS. Perfect !!! You see, the solution to all problems is acceptance. Once you accept a problem, and start living with it without thinking, there will be world peace. The trouble with people outside AoL is that they actually want to “solve” problems, not live with them.
For instance, suppose your breathing is affected by something that’s causing you anxiety. What should you do? You should fix your breathing, not address the cause of your anxiety. You see, addressing the cause of your anxiety is too much work. It’s much easier to enroll for a course and learn how to breathe. This is the new age. Who has the time to solve problems? It’s better to accept them and learn new ways to breathe even if one’s problems are choking one. And, of course, don’t forget to smile. Smiling is a sign of strength. If you don’t smile, then it means that you are thinking too much and that is making you weak.
Wow !!! I am in awe of AoL now !!! I think AoL is likely to eliminate the need for any education anywhere in the world, if it succeeds. Then, we’ll say no one is illiterate. Everyone is conscious because they don’t think. The Art of Living is actually “the art of not thinking after pretending you died when you’re still alive”. Amazing !!!
@ VSS: you are not taking lithium yet? please do. you are twisting all knowledge. This girl tired to have a decent conversation, but all you could do is twist everything.
Acceptance is not passive. First step is to accept and then only you can address the problem. Breathing helps in being in the present and tackling to problem with awareness. I suggest you repeat the course….oh sorry wait, you can t do it, for obvious medical reasons.
@ Harshal
http://www.happified.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=170:maha-shivaratri&catid=25:happified&Itemid=37
“Sri Sri Speaks
Maha Shivaratri
The whole world functions according to laws of Nature. What is that? That is Shiva. The whole world is moving in an auspicious rhythm of innocence and intelligence. That auspiciousness is divinity. Shiva is harmonious innocence which knows no control. Shiva reversed is Vashi. Vashi means control. Control is of the mind. Control means two, weakness. One is not doing something naturally but exerting pressure. Often people think they are in control of their lives, their situation. Control is an illusion. Control is a temporary exertion of energy in the mind. That is Vashi.
Shiva is opposite. Shiva is the permanent and eternal source of Energy, the eternal state of Being, the One without a second. Duality is the cause of fear. That harmonious innocence dissolves duality.
When the moment is whole, complete, then that moment is Divine. In the moment means no regret of the past, no want for the future. Time stops, the mind stops.”
Your mind has stopped.
You do nothing but abuse people who don’t agree with you.
And, do you know why your abusive comments are posted on this blog?
It’s because your comments expose AoL.
AoL makes people abusive.
You are living proof of that.
And yes, you hurt my sentiments.
You always hurt my sentiments because you are always abusive.
I don’t think you are a human being any more.
Your abusive comments are revolting.
It seems you have no empathy or compassion.
You are heartless and cruel.
You are insensitive beyond measure.
You are mean.
And, worst of all, you are conceited.
I would never want to do a course that makes me someone like you.
If that means I have a mental ailment, then I’m proud of that mental ailment.
This is the last time I shall respond to any abusive comment from you.
I hope you understand that, and accept that, actively and not passively.
@Harshal
I’m sure you so screwed in your head that you not even living amongst the real world so sad.
You probably those people that put your negative energies on someone else and if not that then you probably one of those heartless people who go around critcizing people because you can’t deal with your complexes the day you in the looney bin then we want to see AOL get you out of it they’ll mess you up and leave you.
You need another girlfriend who is more closely aligned with what you value and not sucked into a cult.
Yup get a new chick —- there r plenty. No need to sweat over one……
ask her to choose between AOL and yourself… you would have a definite answer… life is a lot better if things are in binary 🙂
ALL THESE STUPID, SILLY, IGNORATIC (NEW WORD),LUSTY………..BULLSHIT AND GOOD QUESTIONS ANSWERED HERE………..http://www.youtube.com/user/yesplustv
to Concerned Boyfriend,
I did an AOL rescue. The person was very important and dear to me, and we met in the organization. (the only thing, we now agree, that was good about the experience). I had left AOL. But getting someone else to see that Guruji is not God, or anything like God, isn’t easy when someone feels strongly that they are going in the right direction. The first thing you should do is to find a way to spend so much time with your girlfriend that she has no time for AOL anymore. It’s what I had to do — take up all that time until the feelings of fake bliss went away, and it became evident to this person how they were actually destroying their family and friendships with their AOL affiliation. When the person wakes up, you will know. You will know when to tell about this blog, or other very negative things you actually know and have seen inside of AOL. I had to approach it carefully, did so, and slowly but surely, shared my extremely bad experiences, and was believed. If you love her enough, you will do this. But the first step is to get her away from that big, frenetic energy that feels so attractive when you first start going. She won’t believe you if you tell her “if you become more involved, all that will be replaced by all the hatred between the teachers, competition to get near Guruji, etc.” She just won’t. But if she’s not in the middle of it for awhile, there is a chance she will see she is happier without all that mess. It happened for me, and we are still together, and look back now and laugh at the whole bizarre time of being in a cult. Neither of us lost our faith in God, just in AOL and Guruji as anything but a good businessman with some good basic hindu knowledge.
” But if she’s not in the middle of it for awhile, there is a chance…..”
This is the most crucial thing.
People, the main thing to remember is you cannot convince anyone of anything. You cannot force anyone to open up and see the truth. Just as no person in a relationship can save the other, the same is true here. While this blog saved me a year ago, it was my own openness and strength that allowed me to see the truth. All you can do is give her the into in this blog and KLIM’s blog and let her decide for herself. Let her know you’ll still be her friend even if she is still in AOL.
@ Jr.
“it was my own openness and strength that allowed me to see the truth”
I think that you’ve said something very profound, insightful, and might I add, enlightening.
The three things that you highlight are:
* CONFIDENCE
* OPENNESS
* STRENGTH
I think, therefore, that anyone who is not in a cult has these three dimensions.
A cult is not a solution to:
* DIFFIDENCE
* LACK OF OPENNESS
* WEAKNESS
A cult actually exploits people who are diffident, closed, and, weak.
This blog helped you because it helped you overcome your doubts and apprehensions without asking you to adhere to any rules. It didn’t ask you to spend money on various courses, it didn’t tell you what to do with your time, and, it didn’t tell you to deify a “guru”. This blog didn’t make you SERVILE. It treated you like a human being and exuded compassion, respect, and, empathy. It told you that it was okay to have doubts and apprehensions, it told you that it was okay to be unhappy with life in a cult, and, it told you that it was okay to think for yourself, and figure out things on your own. In fact, it says in a number of places, that the best decisions are YOUR OWN DECISIONS. It’s ultimately YOUR CALL.
But you were willing to:
* THINK INDEPENDENTLY
You were willing to:
* TRY A LIFE WHICH IS FREE FROM THE SHACKLES OF A CULT
You were interested in:
* FINDING SOLUTIONS INDEPENDENTLY
You were open to:
* INTERACTING WITH THOSE WHO THOUGHT LIKE YOU
(EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE FEWER IN NUMBER THAN THOSE IN THE CULT)
I think people go to a cult when, for some reason, they feel inadequate. The cult makes them feel complete. It gives them a place and an identity to belong to. AoL is attractive because it exploits people in the name of “spiritual growth” — something that sounds very nice. It also encourages “seva” or community service — something that feels very noble. However, in return, it demands subservience. People don’t mind that subservience till the time they are engrossed in addressing their inadequacies. They probably don’t even notice it. Or, if they notice it, they probably feel it’s a small price to pay for the feeling of adequacy that the cult gives them.
However, once people realize, through their own journey, that there is no such thing as an “inadequacy”, and, we, as human beings, simply go through phases of doubt and apprehension, they start seeing through the ploys of the cult. They start seeing how the cult exploits those who are going through a bad phase.
So, I’m thinking, what is it that makes people judge themselves and pronounce themselves “inadequate” when they’re going through a bad phase?
I think it’s being judgmental to the point of being excessively self-critical.
Once people stop being judgmental about themselves, they stop being judgmental about everyone. Hence, if someone who is in a cult stops being judgmental, then that same someone also stops judging those who are not in a cult, or, those who left the cult.
That same someone also stops being judgmental about those who are still in the cult. That’s why you say “Let her know you’ll still be her friend even if she is still in AOL.”
You are a truly compassionate, non-judgmental human being, aren’t you Jr. ?
The world needs more people like you. IMHO.
Thank you VSS for the nice comments. I realize that many of us who post on this blog want to save others from the same mistakes we made or people that we know have made. But the truth is that we can’t force anyone into anything, and why should we? It’s not our purpose to force anyone into or out of anything. They can certainly help guide us, but it’s up to us to choose where we go.
My family never turned their back on me when I was in AOL. There were many times they politely questioned things that seemed wrong in AOL, but I always dismissed their concerns, as AOL was something they couldn’t possibly understand unless they were part of it. I made the mistake of genuinely believing AOL was beyond anything else on this earth. While there are many wonderful and useful things AOL can bring to ones life, I was fortunate to realize I wasn’t seeing the full picture.
I was actually ready to dismiss this blog when I first found it. I assumed most of the postings here were because of jealously of SSRS and the success of the organization. The combination of the angry and nasty comments from AOL members, the lawsuit against freedom of speech, the money issues and increasing costs, and the major health concerns of the techniques woke me up from my brain washing. I had realized I was living in a state of being idealistic rather than looking at what was really going on and trying to find balance. This is why I don’t believe we should turn our backs on anyone in AOL. Life isn’t black and white, and most people in AOL are genuinely seeking something more purposeful in their lives and are trying to help relieve world suffering. Of course AOL is increasing world suffering for many people, mostly the volunteers and deeply committed teachers who tirelessly promote the organization for peanuts. But back to my main point, my family never disowned me, even when I felt myself drifting towards isolation from most of the normal world. You get to a point in AOL where you start looking at your friends and family that are not involved with the organization, and you realize they are healthier and happier than most of those on the AOL path.
There need not be extreme solutions to everything in life .. if you love her then be patient with her .. and she may see the light .. otherwise just move on .. it would be better for both of you ..
I had a similar problem. I was patient for a while. When a year passed and she kept getting sucked deeper into the cult, I decided to move on.
Maybe you love her a lot, but at some point in life you need to be practical, and this will be thrust upon you if you are not already prepared for it.
By the way, my lady friend’s cult was that of the sex maniac Nithyananda.
@ Jr. [March 5, 2012 8:36 pm]
Thank you for your insightful response. I learnt a lot from it.
I agree with you when you say “we can’t force anyone into anything”. This blog means a lot to me because I was on the verge of packing my bags and leaving for the Bangalore Ashram when I found it. It validated everything sensible I have ever believed in, and, saved me from the clutches of a cult that would probably have exploited me inexorably.
Seems an interesting dialogue happened here. If you are married, it is more difficult. One AOL teacher was always fighting with her husband here (location suppressed for the privacy protection of the teacher). Then all fights stopped. When asked, the husband said: I also joined AOL…
If you can’t convince her that this is a cult, refer her to this website. If she wants to keep her eyes closed and drink milk like a cat, break the relationship.
It is easier to break a pre-marital relationship, than to break one off, once you have her as your wife. It can make your life hell, if you have kids and don’t like AOL.
They will suck your kid into AOL Excel too. That will hurt even more…
All the best,
Anonymous Well Wisher
Its been two years since I have been sucked into AOL. It started with a breakup with a girl in my time of distress, the guy who took that girl away from me (in-spite of knowing that I loved that girl) belonged to AOL. During that time, Khurshed Batliwala and Dinesh Godke visited my college campus and I had a conversation with them. They seemed highly knowledgeable and fun-loving people at first and I was sucked into the organization after doing a few courses with them. Gradually, I became so involved and isolated because of my level of involvement with the cult that I ignored my studies and ended up with really bad grades. I didn’t mind anything at that point in time (as they say, first priority is seva, rest will be taken care of) and the AOL teachers and volunteers I met encouraged me and even asked me to take up more work. I was still in college and thought if I do good work for them, they will take care of me, or maybe it is my divine calling – I started reading a lot about genuine saints like Yogananda (The Autobiography of a Yogi – how yogananda had a divine encounter with his master). I believed SSRS to be such a highly esteemed saint too, from what he and other followers of his portrayed and that he will identify if I work whole heartedly in his service.
I found no sign of help or “calling from master” even after one year of dedicated service and doing around 14 courses (within that short span of time and while still at college) and meeting SSRS over 6 times in different venues (I always got noticed when I had an expensive gift in hand, ignored otherwise. For example, when I had a crown and a flute he accepted that gift but when I had hand made paintings he ignored it). Gradually, it dawned on me that there entire scheme of recruiting young minds from college campuses was to imprint them with their brand of spirituality and blind faith while they remain impressionable and ignorant about how the real world operates. Khurshed a.k.a bawa even lures volunteers by treating them in good restaurants (in some cases 5 star hotels) and his home in Ashram after they’ve organized some fat courses for him. I had already spent a lot of time and money and half of formative stages of my career in AOL and suffer immensely from AOL hangover. My health, self-confidence, domain skills and mental stability has gone down several notches and I am struggling to bring my career up to the place where it once was. Not to mention my public image, some of my best friends don’t hold me in the same esteem anymore because of my weird and negligent behavior towards my studies during my involvement.
P.S. : The girl broke away from that AOL chap within 3 months because she found him too self-centered, obsessed and involved with AOL. He was more interested in showcasing his AOL knowledge to her rather than being genuinely interested in her.